After Cerberus and Charon, get ready for Heatwave Hades. Really not very unusual weather events have suddenly acquired important, scary names drawn from the mythological flames of hell. If it’s unbearable, why aren’t they back in their hotel rooms with a wet towel on their heads instead of happily licking their pistachio gelato and soaking up the rays? Why are reports of wildfires in La Palma being linked to soaring temperatures, when the weather on the island is in fact unusually mild, and set to be in the mid-20s all week? Tourists at the Trevi Fountain in Rome are invited to agree that the weather is “unbearable”. (Prince George will have to get used to having his parties in the cloudy drizzle on our mutual birthday.) Still, reporters scour the rest of Europe for better (ie bad) news. As a July baby, I can tell you this is not unusual for July. Disappointingly for the We’re All Gonna Fry brigade, it’s cool, rainy and sullen here with fitful gusts of wind almost autumnal at times.
You may have noticed that climate catastrophism has gone nuclear over the past week, as if on cue (we’ll come back to that), but the good old British weather refuses to co-operate. I’ll be glad to get away from this awful weather to be honest with you. Neville: So we shouldn’t bother to cancel?Īgent: I’m afraid your travel insurance doesn’t have a clause covering Nervous Nellies scared half to death by the weather forecast on the TV. I think you’ll find the BBC spliced clips of the fires in La Palma into its heatwave report to make it look like it was happening in Spain.”Īgent: Er, no, its 1500 kilometres away, Sir. Very pleasant, actually, for the time of year.Īgent: The fires have nothing to with the heat, Sir. Neville: I know, but they say it’s dangerously hot in La Palma.”Īgent: Actually, the temperature in La Palma has been in the 20s and it’s forecast to remain below 30. Travel agent (sighing audibly): It’s the summer, Sir. Neville: Hi there, I’d like to cancel our holiday in La Palma. “It’s unbearably hot there, wildfires and everything, according to the BBC. “What’s that got to do with our fortnight in La Palma, Mary?” You know, the man who ferried the dead to the underworld in Greek mythology.” Last week, Europe was burning in the hellish heat of Cerberus, this week it’s Charon. Brace yourselves, travel agents of Britain! People have been watching those hysterical chaps with their flapping arms and their weather maps like a homicidal pizza on the telly.
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